India Jokes-Humor


Navjot Singh Sidhu is a former Indian cricket batsman, who took up television commentary. His commentary was popular because of  some of his crazy one-liners, now popuarly called "Sidhuisms" in India. This category of the website captures the most popular "Sidhuisms". I hope you find this sections entertaining.


Sidhu One Liners

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  •  Fattest pigs go to the butcher first.
  •  You dont kill a man who is hell-bent on committing suicide
  •  In the orchard of opportunity, you cant wait for the fruit to drop.
  •  According to Navjot, Sourav Ganguly is The Burden of Calamity 
  •  Money is like manure. Its no good unless you spread it! (Talking about the distribution of money in the Indian cricket team)
  • They are so timid, they wouldnt say boo to a goose! (Talking about the tail of the Indian batting order)
  •  Good intentions die unless utilized
  • Statistics are like bikinis… what they reveal is suggestive, what they hide is essential!
  • One comment he made that they picked up in the papers over here was regarding a shot Tendulker played off his toes... he played that like a dwarf at a urinal...
  • I lean on statistics like a drunken man leans on a lamppost, only for support, not illumination
  • When Dravid nicked Bond through the slips for 4 from a full half volley, Sidhu said....... thats Ok from Bond, in order to catch a trout you must be prepared to lose a fly
  • He has a backlift like an octopus falling out of a tree, all over the place!
  • There is always free cheese in a mousetrap
  • Come to my parlour said the spider to the fly
  •  A dog kennel is no place to hide a sausage
  •  You can never unscramble eggs
  • Call the bear uncle until you are safely across the bridge
  •  Hes wallowing in foolishness like a rhino in an African pool.
  • Gamblers they Are like Toilets BROKE one Day Flush The Next (Navjot Sidhu Talks About The decision To Bring On Harbhajan Singh Into The attack During The 1st Test In Wellington New Zealand)

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Sidhuisms on Players

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  • Yuvraj Singh - The pied piper of Punjab!
  • Harbhajan - The sardar from Jalandhar !
  • On S.Ramesh's diving catch ; He flew like a bird and plucked it out of thin air.
  • Sourav Ganguly is "The Burden of Calamity"
  • Chris Harris ; He is a dibbly dobbly bowler.
  • My idea of a bird is 36-24-36.
  • Tendulkar:The genius of Tendulkar
  • Andrew Flintoff: The Butcher from England.
  • Agarkar:The so called great All rounder.
  • Nasir Hussain:The Meanest captain I've ever seen
  • Inzamam:He'll dump you in the middle of a river while taking a run.
  • Sir Geoffrey Boycott:He is racing with me,in my spanking new car, on his old bike which has lost its chain.(He ain't going any where).He started at the bottom and is still there.(On his 6 consecutive wins in super selector game.)
  • Indian Tail enders:Give them a long rope and they will hang themselves from it.
  • Great Indian Batting line up:The potential has not be be on the paper but on the grass in the middle.
  • Virender Sehwag:Today they say that he bats like Sachin but one day they will say he batted like Sehwag.
  • Reetinder Singh Sodhi:Young Ricky will fight a rattlesnake and give him the first two bites!
  • Muthiah Murlitharan:The wily FOX
  • Rahul Dravid:His straight Drive is as straight as a candle
  • Tendular(injured):A fallen light house is more dangerous then the reef.
  • Deep Dasgupta; is as confused as a child in a topless bar!
  • Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goal keeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.
  • Ganguly: called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was runout "Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."
  • Eddie Nichols(The Umpire) is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands."
  • Tendulker shot played off his toes... "he played that like a dwarf at a urinal"...
  • On Harbhajan Singh brought back into The attack Gamblers they Are like Toilets BROKE one Day Flush The Next (
  • Prasad;He opened him like a can of beans.
  • When Atapattu ran Jayasuriya out;He has thrown him to the wolves.
  • Navjot Sidhu:(on meeting the ghost 'Lilley of Limlay Castle')I was dropping bricks in my pants !!!!!!!!
  • Ashish Nehra:(facing fast bowling) His legs are like an octupus jumping from a tree.
  • Kaluwitharna;He is like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!
  • Dravid nicked Bond through the slips for 4 : That's Ok from Bond, in order to catch a trout you must be prepared to lose a fly.
  • Martin Crowe:Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!!!
  • Harbhajan's spiners are like introducing some atoms of pulvarised tobacco into nostrils of the batsmen who get out of sneezing.

Read more: Sidhuisms on Players

Top 10 Sidhuisms

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My Top 10 favorite Sidhuisms 

  1. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in
  2. Patiala...one falls and everything else falls!
  3. Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.
  4. Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!
  5. The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason
  6. I lean on statistics like a drunken man leans on a lamppost, only for support, not illumination
  7. The Only Thing You Get In Life Without Trying is dandruff
  8. Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.
  9. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.
  10. Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter. 
  11. He is like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!

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Animal Sidhuisms

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  •  On S.Ramesh's diving catch ; He flew like a bird and plucked it out of thin air.
  • Reetinder Singh Sodhi:Young Ricky will fight a rattlesnake and give him the first two bites!
  • Muthiah Murlitharan:The wily FOX
  • When Atapattu ran Jayasuriya out;He has thrown him to the wolves.
  • Ashish Nehra:(facing fast bowling) His legs are like an octupus jumping from a tree.
  • India look like a crippled cobra whose fangs are clipped.
  • The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend, that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world which does not have wings!
  • As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.
  • The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the sea.
  • There, there, that's a dead duck!
  • As innocent as freshly laid eggs.
  • All that comes from a cow is not milk.
  • Bengal without Tigers!
  • New Zealanders have their limits, The kiwis are the birds that cannot fly!
  • Right now he's looking like a Cheshire cat that's had loads of cream!
  •  The pitch is as dead as a dodo.

More Sidhuims

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1. That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.
2. There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over.
3. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.
4. This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was runout in the third test        against the West Indies at Barbados."Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."
5. Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter.
6. Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.
7. Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!
8. He is like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!
9. The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend, that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world which does not have wings!
10. As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.
11. The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the sea.
12. The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.
13. The pitch is as dead as a dodo.
14. Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!
15. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala...one falls and everything else falls!
16. Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss without a Squeeze.
17. You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.
18. Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goal keeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.
19. He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.
20. One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.
21. This was uttered after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain, T&T. "Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands."
22. Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.
23. Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.
24. You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.
25. The cat with gloves catches no mice.
26. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.
27. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
28. He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.
29. The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason

 

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Sidhuisms - More one liners from Sidhu

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  1. A girl born beautiful is half married
  2. In London they drive on the left, in India we drive on what is left!
  3. Harbhajan (when batting) could be a windmill with a single blade during a hurricane,
  4. Strutting around wicket as 'proud as peacock'
  5. Still waters run deep. The Indians were so still in the 3rd test that they ran into deep oceans
  6. Ganguly moves so slowly on the field like Jack of 'Jack n Jill' who goes to fetch pail of runs for the opposition
  7. Umpires are like traffic police -the techniques they use to give a decision are outdated
  8. Flip the coin and there is no head or tail. (India plays the cricket without any aim)
  9. A barking dog is better than a sleeping Lion, so go on Indians, Bark aloud! and let everyone hear you louder!!! The dog that barks last, barks best
  10. S.Ramesh's running between the wickets is like a snail going slow!
  11. He is like an Indian transistor, which does not work until you give it two slaps.
  12. If you are trying to beat India in their home, you are you trying to get milk out of an ox.
  13. Indian team is just like Indian monsoon.you just cannot predict when there will be flood & when there will be drought.
  14. The ball went soo high up in the air that it kissed an air-hostess on its way back.
  15. Rahul is like the hall of fire !!!!
  16. Ganguly has taken the cake with plum on top (ha ha ha)
  17. The ball slipped from his hands like butter from hot paratha
  18. Women are worse than wine - They intoxicate both the holder and the beholder (when a pretty young thing was shown on TV screen)
  19. For Geoffrey Boycott - a hair on head is worth two in the brush (In response to Shastri's comment "a bird in hand is worth 2 in bush" when Yohannan was carrying the bird hit by Tendulkar)

More Articles...

  1. Sidhuisms from 2010

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