India Jokes-Humor

This category contains popular Gujju Jokes. If you have any popular Gujju Jokes to submit, please submit it here.


Gujju Jokes

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Q :- Why did the Gujju think the film Gandhi was about a woman?
A :- Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.

Q :- Why won't the gujju jeweller sell anything to the UP ka bhayiya?
A :- The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju asked for 'Kesh'

Q :- What did the Gujju mean when he said, "Ramesh no dikro States ma gayon" ?
A :- Ramesh's son failed in statistics...

Q) Why did Bill Clinton have the gujju beaten?
A) The gujju told Clinton "You are an IMPOTENT man"

Q) What will a Gujju tell a tomato, coming last in a tomato race?
A) Tomato KETCHUP.

Q) Why did the gujju go to Rome?
A) He wanted to listen to POPE music.

Q) Why did the gujju go to London?
A) To see BIG BEHN.

Q) Why was the gujju stacking up 1 cent coins on the day before exams?
A) He wanted to get "cent-per-cent" .

Q) What did the Gujju have in the morning?
A) LIGHT SNAKES for breakfast.

Q) What did the Gujju say to the singing prostitute?
A) You are going from BED To VERSE.

Q) Did you know that Gujarati students are going to start a fraternity?
A) They named it Rho Beta Rho.

Q) Why did the gujjus take 50 paise when they went to watch "GANDHI"?
A) They read Atten( 8 annas)-bourough in the credits.

Q) What is a Gujju picnic koled?
A) A snake in the grass

Q) Why did the Gujju wear a Tuxedo to his vasectomy?
A) If he was going to become impotent, he wanted to look impotent.

Q) Why did the American get scared of the Gujju?
A) Because he said 'Sue kare chhe.'

Q) Maro dikro Dubai gayo?
A) My son drowned.

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Bill Gates and the Gujju

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Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Kantibhai Shah.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave. 2000 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave. 2000 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave. 500 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.

Everyone else has gone. Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.' Calmly, Kantibhai turns to the other candidate and says `kem chho' The other candidate answers 'ek dam majama..'

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Gujjus and their Cell Phones

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Once 4 gujju wives met at a party talking about their husband's new cellular phones....

First gujju wife says to others... "Maro pati ne pass mota laura (motorola) che!....

Second gujju wife replies.."Aree sirf mota laura thi kya hoga? errection (ERICSSON) chahiye!....

So the third gujju wife steps up & says..."aree mota laura bhi thick hai, errection bhi thick hai, Par semen (Seimens) nahi to kya fayda?...

And then the fourth said.."Mota laura bhi ho, errecson bhi ho, semen bhi ho, lekin na kiya (Nokia) tho kya fayda??....

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The Gujju and the Arab

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An (Bahraini) Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises.

As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood.

The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Hummer, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery, and a million US dollars.

Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets. The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati’s kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous manner.

The Arab replied “Bapu…..now I have Gujju blood in my veins!”

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Gujju Translations

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Pasadi...........................Prashad
Sufuria.........................Saucepan
Sano..............................Snow
Tikert...........................Ticket
Egg-joss........................Exhaust
Fota...............................Photos
Lipti..............................Lipstick
Phast.............................Fast
Pholowur.....................Flower
Gilas..............................Glass
Palty..............................Party
Gorment.......................Goverment
Peeja..............................Pizza
Peejot............................Peugeot
Fhanta...........................Fanta
Punch............................Sponge
Booth.............................Car Boot
Kittli..............................Kettle
Boota..............................Boots(shoes)
Winda.............................Windows
Winbly............................Wembley
Die Vos...........................Divorce
New Brand.....................Brand New
Jung.................................Young
Caffol..............................Scaffold
Istill.................................Steel
Bowel...............................Bowl
Indian Electrician...........Ashok
Jee TV..............................Zee TV
Isschool............................School
Juniversity.......................University
Istawbury.........................Strawberry
Isscooter...........................Scooter
Isgrew Driver..................Screwdriver
Kale....................Tomorrow and Yesterday
Beetish..............................British
Bilu...................................Blue
Phen..................................Fan
Amrica..............................America
Viza...................................Visa
Philam..............................Film
Borras...............................Brush
Gero..................................Zero
Apormant.........................Appointment
Hispotal............................Hospital
Revind..............................Reverse
Music Down Cur............Turn Down the Music

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Business is Business

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A young Gujju boy starts attending public school in a small town.

The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her position to try to influence the new student.

She asks the class, "Who was the greatest man that ever lived?"

A girl raises her hand and says,

"I think George Washington was the greatest man that ever lived because he is the Father of our country."

The teacher replies, "Well...that's a good answer, but that's not the answer I am looking for."

Another young student raises his hand and says,

"I think Abraham Lincoln was the greatest man that lived because he freed the slaves and helped end the civil war."

"Well, that's another good answer, but that is not the one I was looking for."

Then the Gujju boy raises his hand and says, "I think Jesus Christ was the greatest man that ever lived."

The teacher's mouth drops open in astonishment. "Yes!", she says, that's the answer I was looking for."

She then brings him up to the front of the classroom and gives him a lollipop.

Later, during recess, another desi boy approaches him as he is licking his lollipop.

He says, "Why did you say, 'Jesus Christ'?"

The Gujju boy stops licking his lollipop and replies,

"Look, I know it's Krishna, and YOU know it's Krishna, but business is business."

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