The Foreign Tourist
A foreign tourist hired a guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. At the Red Fort at Delhi, he admired the architecture and asked how many years it took to build.
Twenty years,? replied the guide.
"You Indians are a lazy lot" the tourist said.
In my country, this could have been built in five.
At Agra he admired the Taj's beauty and asked how many years it took to build.
"Only ten years" said the guide.
The tourist retorted: "You Indians are slow! We can construct such buildings in two-and-a-half.? In this fashion the tourist claimed that every building he admired could have been built in his country in quarter the time.
Finally, when they reached the Qutab Minar, and the tourist asked what it was, the guide replied: "I don't know. It wasn't there yesterday evening."
Travel Brochure Decoded
As you know there is art of writing - and a matching art in reading. When this art is applied into travel brochures you will get this . Without wishing to suggest that the following translations always apply, nonetheless you might find the following terms to be of very amusing...............
Brochure Term | Translation |
| Pre-registered rooms | Already occupied |
| Deluxe | Standard |
| Standard | Substandard |
| Light and airy | No air conditioning |
| Majestic setting | A long way from town |
| Picturesque | Theme park nearby |
| Tropical | Rainy |
| Options galore | Nothing is included in the itinerary |
| Secluded hideaway | Impossible to find or get to |
| Explore on your own | Pay for it yourself |
| Knowledgeable trip hosts | They've flown before |
| No extra fees | No extras |
| Nominal charge | Outrageous charge |
| Superior | Two free shower caps |
| All the amenities | One free shower cap |
| Plush | Top and bottom sheets |
| Gentle breezes | Gale-force winds |
| Open bar | Free ice cubes |
Questions asked of Indians
Are all Indians vegetarian?
Yes. Even tigers are vegetarian in India.
Does India have cars?
No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to encourage ride-sharing schemes.
What does that red dot on women's forehead mean?
Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot. In fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see, once they mastered the art of archery and hit the target....
Does India have TV?
No. We only have cable.
Are you a Hindi?
Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India.
Do you speak Hindu?
Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.
Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt?
Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would let me go to school.
India is very hot, isn't it?
It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously. That is why tea is such a popular drink in India.
Indians cannot eat beef, huh?
Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian diet. So eating cows is forbidden. However in order to decrease the population of the country, the government is trying to encourage everyone to eat human meat.
Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work?
I prefer it to coming naked.