Khushwant Singh is a prominent Indian novelist and journalist. Singh's weekly column, "With Malice towards One and All", carried by several Indian newspapers, is among the most widely-read columns in the country.
An important Indo-Anglian novelist, Singh is best known for his trenchant secularism,his humor, and an abiding love of poetry. His comparisons of social and behavioral characteristics of Westerners and Indians are laced with acid wit. He served as editor of several well-known literary and news magazines, as well as two major broadsheet newspapers, through the 1970s and 1980s.
- A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
- Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
- The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- An irritated man : I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
- Which side of a duck has more feathers??? The 'outside' of course
- Light travels faster then sound... which is why most people appear brilliant until you hear them.
Santa was flying to Chandigarh from Pune. He was allotted a middle seat but decided to take the window seat instead, which had been allotted to an old lady.
The lady requested Santa to exchange the seats and let her sit on the seat allotted to her. He refused, saying, 'I want to see the view from the window.' The old lady complained to the air hostess who requested Santa to sit on his allotted middle seat. Santa was adamant and bluntly refused.
The air hostess went up to the co-pilot. He too came and requested Santa, but in vain.
Finally, the captain of the aircraft came. He whispered something in Santa's ears. Santa immediately vacated the window seat and took the middle seat.
Astonished, the air hostess and the co-pilot asked the captain what he had said to Santa. The captain replied: 'Nothing, I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others were going to Jalandhar.'
An Akali leader was fulminating against the Congress. Addressing a crowded university meeting, he thundered, 'The Congresswallahs are all waters of the first rogue.'
The audience burst into laughter over his lapse of tongue. The Akali leader realised he had made a mistake. He joined the palms of his hands to ask for pardon, I am very sorry, it is a tongue of slip.'
This time the laughter was louder than before. The gentleman that he was, the Akali leader was genuinely contrite, 'You must pardon me. I am always limiting the cross.
While being interviewed an actress was asked whether she intended to get married in the near future.
The lady replied,'Never, I will follow in the footsteps of my mother. Like her, I will remain single.'
Cheer up my son, buck up my boy,
You are living in 'The Land of Joy'.
You go to school where they do not teach,
In the House of God, they hatred preach.
If you have merit, you will sigh and sob,
If you are backward, you might get a job.
Out of caste, if you dare to wed,
Your kith and kin will chop your head.
If you are honest, in north or in south,
You will live from hand to mouth.
If you are wily and your means sinister,
You are likely to become a chief minister.
But remember the new maxim, my lad,
Defection is good, conversion is bad
Subedar Lehna Singh and Subedar Imamdin were in the same regiment in the British Indian Army. They were inseparable friends and spent their evenings drinking together. The partition separated them as Subedar Imamdin was absorbed in the Pakistan Army.
To keep his friend's memory alive Subedar Lehna Singh always filled two glasses with rum and water and sipped from each alternately! When somebody asked him why he did so, he explained: 'This glass is Imamdin's; this one is mine. So I take a sip from each — one on behalf of Imamdin, the other for myself.'
Suddenly one evening Subedar Lehna Singh was seen with only one glass on his table. He was asked what had happened. He replied, 'You see, I have given up drinking but Imamdin has not. So I have put away my glass and drink only on behalf of my friend.