Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 14

1. "You ought to stand on your two feet and show your wife who is running things at your house,"
a big, bossy fellow said to his friend, Mulla Nasrudin. "THERE IS NO NEED TO," said Nasrudin,
"SHE ALREADY KNOWS."



2. The stranger was talking in the tavern. "For fifteen years," he said, "my habits were as regular
as clockwork. I rose exactly at six. Half an hour later I was at breakfast. At seven I was at
work. I had lunch at one, and supper at six, and was in bed at nine-thirty. I ate only plain food,
and didn't have a day of sickness during all those years." "MY," said Mulla Nasrudin who was
listening to the story, "AND WHAT WERE YOU IN JAIL FOR?"


3. Mulla Nasrudin had been arrested for stealing a hog. The trial was short and sweet. There was
no concrete evidence against the Mulla and the judge dismissed the case against him. But for
some reason the Mulla seemed not to understand. "The case is dismissed," the judge said, "It is
over. You are acquitted. You can go." "WELL, THANKS, JUDGE," said Nasrudin. "BUT DO I HAVE
TO GIVE HIM BACK HIS HOG?"



4.Mulla Nasrudin kept begging the noted pianist to play. "Well, all right, since you insist," he said.
"What shall I play?" "ANYTHING YOU LIKE," said Nasrudin. "IT'S ONLY TO ANNOY THE
NEIGHBOURS."



5. Mulla Nasrudin's wife used to give the Mulla a regular inspection every night when he came
home. Every hair she discovered on his coat would be cause for a terrible scene. One evening,
when she didn't find a single hair, she screamed at him, "NOW YOU ARE EVEN RUNNING AFTER
BALD-HEADED WOMEN."


6. Mulla Nasrudin was introduced as the man who had just made $800,000 in an oil deal in
Oklahoma. In response, the Mulla said, "IT WAS NOT AN OIL DEAL, IT WAS A REAL ESTATE
DEAL. IT WAS NOT IN OKLAHOMA, BUT IN VIRGINIA. I AM SORRY, BUT THE MAN HAD HIS
FIGURES MIXED UP. IT WAS NOT $800,000, BUT $800. AND BESIDES THAT, IT WAS NOT A
PROFIT, BUT A LOSS. AND, IN THE END, IF YOU DON'T MIND, LET ME TELL YOU, THAT I AM
NOT THE MAN CONCERNED, SIR."


7. Mulla Nasrudin, the landlord of a rather rundown rooming house, had led a prospective tenant
to a third-floor room with badly spotted wall paper. Nasrudin: "The last man who lived in this
room was an inventor he invented some sort of explosive." Prospect: "Oh, these spots on the
walls are chemicals?" Nasrudin: "NO, THE INVENTOR."


8. Mulla Nasrudin was called in the election bribery case. "You say," asked the judge, "that you
were given $10 to vote for the Democrats, and you got another $10 to vote for the
republicans?" "Yes, Sir, Your Honour," said the Mulla. "And how did you vote?" asked the judge.
"YOUR HONOUR," said Nasrudin, "I VOTED ACCORDING TO MY CONSCIENCE."



9. Mulla Nasrudin's wife was upset and was confiding in her maid. "Do you know," she said, "I
suspect my husband is having an affair with the cook." "OH," cried the maid. "YOU CAN'T
BELIEVE THAT. YOU ARE JUST SAYING THAT TO MAKE ME JEALOUS."



10. "You sure do look downhearted, Mulla? What's the matter?" asked a friend. "It's my future that
worries me," said Nasrudin. "What makes your future so black?" the friend asked. "MY PAST,"
replied Nasrudin.


Read more: Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 14

Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 13

1. A college freshman was talking about girls with Mulla Nasrudin. "Which would you advise me to
do? Marry a sensible girl or a beautiful girl, Mulla?" he asked. "I don't think you will be able to
marry either," said the Mulla. "Why not?" asked the freshman. "IT'S LOGICAL," said Nasrudin.
"A BEAUTIFUL GIRL COULD DO BETTER AND A SENSIBLE! GIRL WOULD KNOW BETTER."



2. "What are you doing hiding under the bed?" asked Mulla Nasrudin's wife. "It's all lightening and
thunder," said the Mulla. "And I don't want to get struck by lightening. "Oh, that's silly," said
his wife. "If lightening is going to strike you, it will strike you no matter where you are."
"THAT'S ALL RIGHT," said Nasrudin. "BUT, IF IT IS GOING TO STRIKE ME, I JUST WANT TO BE
HARD TO FIND."


3. Mulla Nasrudin and one of his friends were sitting under the bridge listening to the holiday
traffic passing overhead. "I hate holidays," said the friend. "YES, " said Nasrudin, "IT MAKES
YOU FEEL RIGHT COMMON WHEN NOBODY AIN'T WORKING. "


4. "This book," said the salesman, "will do half your work." "FINE," said Mulla Nasrudin. "I WILL
TAKE TWO OF THEM."


5. Mulla Nasrudin used to say: "IF YOU WANT YOUR WIFE TO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO WHAT
YOU ARE SAYING, WHISPER IT TO ANOTHER WOMAN IN A LOW VOICE."



6. New neighbours had moved in and had been under observation for several days. "They seem
like a most devoted couple," said Mulla Nasrudin's wife to her husband. "Every time he leaves
for work she comes out on the porch and he hugs and kisses her. Why don't you do that?"
"ME?" said Nasrudin. "I SHOULD SAY NOT. I HAVE NOT EVEN BEEN INTRODUCED TO HER YET."


7. A policeman sped drunk Mulla Nasrudin and said to him, "Do you know who I am?" "I CAN'T
SAY THAT I DO," said Nasrudin, "BUT IF YOU WILL TELL ME WHERE YOU LIVE, I WILL HELP
YOU HOME."


8. The young man had kissed his girlfriend, Mulla Nasrudin's daughter, goodnight about a dozen
times. They just could not seem to say goodnight. Finally he said, "Love is wonderful. Darling,
do we really have to say goodnight?" Mulla Nasrudin's voice came from deep within the house,
"CERTAINLY NOT. STICK AROUND ANOTHER HALF HOUR AND YOU CAN SAY GOOD MORNING."


9. The two burglars worked as a team. One stayed outside as a lookout, while the other robbed
the house. One night, when the inside man returned, his buddy said, "How much did you get?"
"Nothing," the other said. "This is the house of Mulla Nasrudin." "GEE!" said his buddy. "THEN
HOW MUCH DID YOU LOSE?"


10. It seemed that every time Mulla Nasrudin met his lawyer, he had some added legal fees. It
worried the Mulla to the point of ulcers. Then one day, he met his lawyer in the post office and
said, "NICE DAY, ISN'T IT? AND REMEMBER, I AM TELLING YOU, NOT ASKING YOU, SIR.

Read more: Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 13

Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 12

1. A preacher was being entertained at dinner and the other guests were praising his sermon. One
of them turned to Mulla Nasrudin, who was at the talk, but had remained silent, and asked,
"Mulla, what did you think of the sermon?" "OH, IT WAS ALL RIGHT," said Nasrudin, "ONLY HE
PASSED UP THREE REAL GOOD PLACES WHERE HE COULD HAVE SPED."



2. Mulla Nasrudin's wife complained bitterly to the Mulla. "I am absolutely ashamed of the way we
live. Mother pays our rent. My aunt buys our clothes. My sister sends us money for food. I don't
like to complain, but I am ashamed that we cannot do better than that." "YOU SHOULD BE
ASHAMED," said Nasrudin. "YOU HAVE GOT TWO UNCLES THAT DON'T SEND US A DIME."



3. A man in the upstairs apartment yelled to Mulla Nasrudin downstairs, "If you don't s playing
that clarinet, I will go crazy." "TOO LATE NOW," said Nasrudin. "I SPED AN HOUR AGO,
SIR."


4. The preacher was visiting Mulla Nasrudin in the hospital, who had been injured in a fight. "I am
going to pray so you will forgive your enemy for hitting you with a brick," the preacher said. "IT
MIGHT BE BETTER," said Nasrudin, "IF YOU WAITED UNTIL I GET OUT OF HERE AND THEN
PRAY FOR THE OTHER FELLOW, SIR."


5. The wife of Mulla Nasrudin had received a beautiful skunk coat for her birthday a gift from her
husband. "Why," she said with excitement,"I just can't understand how a beautiful coat like
that could possibly come from such a miserable evil-smelling little beast."

"WELL," said Nasrudin, "I DID NOT EXACTLY EXPECT ANY GRATITUDE FROM YOU, BUT I DO THINK I
DESERVE A LITTLE BIT MORE RESPECT."


6. A vacuum cleaner salesman rang the doorbell of Mulla Nasrudin's house and was admitted by a
woman, who immediately left the room. After talking a bit to the Mulla who was in the room,
the salesman said, "Was that your wife, Sir, who let me in?" "CERTAINLY. DO YOU THINK I
WOULD HIRE A MAID AS HOMELY AS THAT?" asked Nasrudin.


7. The drunk Mulla Nasrudin approached the policeman on the corner and said, "Pardon me,
Officer, but where am I?" "You are on the corner of Main and Forth," the policeman said.
"NEVER MIND THE DETAILS," said Nasrudin. "WHAT TOWN AM I IN?"



8. "Everybody has something to be thankful for," the minister said to Mulla Nasrudin, who was
sitting in his office telling a tale of woe. "Look at the man across the street from you who just
lost his wife in an automobile accident." "YES," said Nasrudin, "BUT EVERYBODY CAN'T BE THAT
LUCKY, SIR."



9. "This is a lesson in logic," said the old professor in the teahouse. "If the show starts at nine and
dinner is at six and my son has the measles, and brother drives a Cadillac, how old am I?" "You
are eighty-four," replied Mulla Nasrudin promptly.

"Right," said the professor. "Now tell the rest of the fellows here how you arrived at the correct answer." "IT'S EASY," said Nasrudin. "I HAVE
GOT AN UNCLE WHO IS FORTY-TWO AND HE IS ONLY HALF NUTS, SIR."


10. Mulla Nasrudin's son, home from college, was talking to his father about the "Law of
Compensation," which he had studied. "If a person loses one eye," he explained, "the sight in
the other becomes stronger.

If he loses the hearing in one ear, the hearing in the other becomes more acute. If he loses one hand, he becomes more agile with the other." "I GUESS THAT'S RIGHT," said Nasrudin. "I HAVE ALWAYS NOTICED THAT WHEN A MAN HAS ONE SHORT LEG THE OTHER IS LONGER."


Read more: Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 12

Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 11

1. Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were talking about a neighbour. "I have never heard a man talk so
fast in all my life," said the wife. "THAT ' S NOT SURPRISING, " said Nasrudin. "HIS FATHER
WAS A POLITICIAN AND HIS MOTHER WAS A WOMAN. "


2. The doctor was giving some bad news to Mulla Nasrudin about his wife. "This is a serious case,"
the doctor said. "I hate to tell you, but your wife's mind is gone, completely gone."

"WELL, I AM NOT SURPRISED," said Nasrudin. "SHE HAS BEEN GIVING ME A LITTLE PIECE OF IT EVERYDAY
FOR FIFTEEN YEARS."


3. Invited to a party for a drink with his friends following the lodge meeting, Mulla Nasrudin said he
had to hurry home. "I can't s," he said, "I have got to go home and explain to my wife."
"Explain what?" one of his friends asked. "I DON'T KNOW," said Nasrudin, "I AM NOT HOME
YET."


4. Mulla Nasrudin fainted on the street and a crowd quickly gathered. "Give him air!" shouted a
man. "Clear the way. Hurry up someone, get him a drink!" Nasrudin's eyes fluttered open and
he gasped, "PLEASE, MAKE IT A DOUBLE MARTINI."



5. Mulla Nasrudin was talking with his neighbour over the back fence. "Was not that something,"
said the neighbour, "the way Lucy's stove exploded last night? The explosion blew her and her
husband right out of the front door into the street! " "YES, " said the Mulla. "THAT'S THE FIRST
TIME THEY HAVE GONE OUT TOGETHER IN THIRTY YEARS."


6. Mulla Nasrudin and one of his friends were walking past the high board fence that surrounded a
nudist colony. Nasrudin spotted a knothole and peeked in. "Hey," he shouted to his companion,
"there's a lot of people in there." "Men or women?" asked the friend. "I CAN'T TELL," said
Nasrudin. "THEY DON'T HAVE ANY CLOTHES ON."



7. Mulla Nasrudin's wife was sitting down to breakfast one morning when she read an
announcement of her own death in the newspaper. She quickly called Mulla Nasrudin who was
outside the town and said: "Have you read the morning paper, Mulla? And, did you see the
announcement of my death?" "YES," said Nasrudin. "WHERE ARE YOU CALLING FROM?"


8. Mulla Nasrudin had been to the state legislature. After he had spent thirty days with his fellow
legislators at the state capital, he came home for a weekend. In telling his wife about it, he
said: "I HAVE DISCOVERED ONE THING -- IT'S THE FIRST INSANE ASYLUM I HAVE EVER SEEN
THAT'S RUN BY THE INMATES."


9. Mulla Nasrudin was milking a cow, when suddenly a bull tore across the meadow toward him.
The Mulla didn't move, but kept on milking. Several men, who were watching from the next
field, were surprised when the bull sped dead within a few yards of the Mulla.

He then turned around and walked away. "Were you not afraid, Mulla?" asked the men. "OF COURSE
NOT," replied Nasrudin. "THIS COW IS HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW."



10. Mulla Nasrudin was watching the youngsters put on their horse show. He said to a bystander,
"It's terrible the way they dress today. Just look at that young boy with the cigarette, sloppy
haircut, and tight breeches."

"That is not a boy," said the other. "It's a girl and she's my daughter." "Oh, excuse me, Sir," said the Mulla. "I meant no offence. I didn't know you were her father." "I AM NOT," said the other. "I AM HER MOTHER."

Read more: Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 11

Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 10

1. Every chair in the doctor's waiting room was taken. Several people were standing. There was
no word from the doctor.

Finally, Mulla Nasrudin stood up wearily and said, "WELL, I GUESS I WILL JUST GO HOME AND DIE NATURAL DEATH."


2. Mulla Nasrudin's wife was feeling a bit sorry for herself. "You don't seem as devoted to me as
you used to," she complained. "Do you still love me?"

Nasrudin looked up from his newspaper and shouted, "YES, I STILL LOVE YOU. NOW SHUT YOUR BIG MOUTH AND LET ME READ MY PAPER."


3. "Look here," she said to Mulla Nasrudin, "Why do you always come to my house to beg?"
"Doctor's orders, lady," said the Mulla. "What do you mean, doctor's orders?" she asked.

"He told me," said Nasrudin, "THAT WHEN I FOUND FOOD THAT AGREED WITH ME, I SHOULD STICK TO IT."


4. "When I was broke," Mulla Nasrudin told his neighbour, "Harry volunteered to lend me $1000"
"Did you take it?" his neighbour asked. "NO," said Nasrudin. "THAT KIND OF FRIENDSHIP IS TOO VALUABLE TO LOSE."


5. Mulla Nasrudin and his friend were talking about their wives. "My wife is very touchy," said the friend.

"The least little thing sets her off." "You are lucky," said Nasrudin. "MINE IS A SELFSTARTER."


6. Mulla Nasrudin and his neighbour were chatting. "Yesterday, I took a girl to the coke bar in the
afternoon," said the neighbour, "and I paid for that. Then I took her to the drive-in for a hot
dog and I paid for that.

After that, I took her to a movie, and I paid for that. Then I took her to a nightclub and I paid for that. Do you think I should have kissed her goodnight, Mulla?" "NO," said Nasrudin. "I THINK YOU DID ENOUGH FOR HER FOR ONE DAY."


7. Mulla Nasrudin had listened to the encouragement of a friend who had touted a certain horse
pretty highly. The next day, after the horse had come in last, the Mulla saw the tipster and
screamed, "Brother, have I got it in for you.

That horse you told me to bet on came in last." "Last?" the fellow said. "I can't understand it. He should have been able to win that race in a
walk." "THAT'S THE WAY HE TRIED IT," said Nasrudin, "BUT HE STILL CAME IN LAST."



8. One day Mulla Nasrudin visited a large department store to buy his wife some nylon hose.
Inadvertently, he got caught in a mad rush at a counter where a bargain sale was going on. He
soon found himself being pushed and stepped on by frantic women.

He stood it as long as he could. Then with head lowered and elbows out, he plowed through the crowd. "You there!" said
a woman. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"

"NOT ANY MORE," said Nasrudin. "I HAVE BEEN ACTING LIKE A GENTLEMAN FOR AN HOUR. FROM NOW ON, I AM ACTING LIKE A LADY."



9. Mulla Nasrudin and his neighbour were greeting each other. "Good morning," said the Mulla.
"You are looking fine this morning." "I am sorry I can't say the same thing for you," said the
neighbour. "YOU COULD," said Nasrudin, "IF YOU WERE AS BIG A LIAR AS I AM."


10. Mulla Nasrudin came home about midnight and threw himself on the couch in the living room.
He woke his wife up with his clumsiness and she stuck her head out of the bedroom door and
said, "Well, you finally came home.

I guess you found that your home is the best place to be this time of the night." "NOT EXACTLY," said Nasrudin, "BUT IT'S THE ONLY PLACE THAT'S OPEN AFTER MIDNIGHT."

Read more: Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 10

Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 9

1. Mulla Nasrudin's wife played bridge wisely and according to the rules. Mulla Nasrudin boasted of
knowing no rules. However, one evening, he bid and made a grand slam, doubled and
redoubled. Excitedly he said to his wife, "See, you thought I couldn't do it!" "WELL, DARLING,"
said his wife, "YOU COULDN'T HAVE, IF YOU'D PLAYED IT CORRECTLY."


2. A man and wife checked in at a resort hotel. After cleaning up, the lady forgot to turn off the
faucets in the bathroom. Half an hour later, Mulla Nasrudin, the guest in the room directly
under them, opened his window, stuck out his head and called upstairs to attract their
attention. "Hey, you up there!" shouted the Mulla.

The man upstairs opened his window and stuck out his head. "What's the matter?" he asked. "Turn off those faucets in your bathroom!"
demanded Nasrudin. "It's pouring down here. What's the matter with you? You must be a
dope." He ended his tirade with a wild outburst of profanity.

"Wait a minute," said the man upstairs. "S your cursing. I have got a lady up here." "WHAT DO YOU THINK I HAVE GOT
DOWN HERE," yelled Nasrudin, "A DUCK?"


3. Mulla Nasrudin sped the doctor on the street one summer day. "You remember when you
cured my rheumatism ten years ago, Doctor," asked the Mulla, "and told me not to get wet?"
"Y-e-s, Yes, I remember," said the doctor. "WELL, I JUST WONDERED IF YOU THINK IT'S SAFE
FOR ME TO TAKE A BATH YET," said Nasrudin.



4. The clerk was waiting on a customer, Mulla Nasrudin, at the meat counter, when a woman
pushed herself ahead of the Mulla and said, "Give me a pound Or cat food, quick, I am in a
hurry." Then she turned to the Mulla and said, I hope you don't mind my being waited on ahead
of you." "NOT IF YOU ARE THAT HUNGRY," said Nasrudin sweetly.



5. The parents-teachers association meeting was becoming rather spirited as the question
of male versus female teachers was being discussed. "I say that women make the best
teachers," said one large and noisy woman. "Where would man be if it were not for women?"
"IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN EATING WATERMELON AND TAKING IT EASY," shouted Mulla
Nasrudin from the back.


6. Mulla Nasrudin said to a man sitting next to him in a bar, "one drink always makes me drunk."
"Really?" asked the stranger, "only one?" "YES," said the Mulla. "AND IT'S USUALLY THE
SIXTH."


7. Mulla Nasrudin had just bought a dog and was bragging about his good points to a friend. "He
is not what you would call a pedigree dog," said the Mulla, "but no prowler could come near the
house without him letting us know about it."

"What does he do?" asked the friend. "Bark and arouse the neighbourhood?" "NO," said Nasrudin proudly,"HE CRAWLS UNDER THE BED."


8. Mulla Nasrudin was weeping and complaining in a bar. "I don't have anything to worry about,"
he said. "My wife takes care of my money. My mother-in-law tends to my business. ALL I HAVE
TO DO IS WORK."


9. A friend gave a bottle of cheap liquor to Mulla Nasrudin as a birthday present. Later he asked
the Mulla how it was. "It was just exactly right," said the Mulla. "What do you mean just right?"
asked the friend. "WELL," said Nasrudin, "IF IT HAD BEEN ANY BETTER YOU WOULDN'T HAVE
GIVEN IT TO ME, IF IT HAD BEEN ANY WORSE, I COULDN'T HAVE DRUNK IT."


10. Mulla Nasrudin was bragging to his friend about his family. "When I go home at night," he said,
"everything is ready for me, my slippers, my pipe, the easy chair in the corner with the light
turned on, my book open at the same place I left it the night before -- and always plenty of hot
water."

"I get all that stuff about the slippers and easy chair and book and the pipe," his friend
said, "but what about the hot water, Mulla?" "WELL," replied Nasrudin, "MY FAMILY LOVES ME.
YOU DON'T THINK THEY ARE GOING TO MAKE ME WASH DISHES IN COLD WATER, DO YOU?"

Read more: Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 9