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Mulla Nasruddin Delivering a Khutba

Once, Mulla Nasruddin was invited to deliver a khutba. When he got on the minbar (pulpit), he asked "Do you know what I am going to say?" The audience replied "NO", so he announced "I have no desire to speak to people who don't even know what I will be talking about" and he left.

The people felt embarrassed and called him back again the next day. This time when he asked the same question, the people replied "YES" So Mullah Nasruddin said, "Well, since you already know what I am going to say, I won't waste any more of your time" and he left.

Now the people were really perplexed. They decided to try one more time and once again invited the Mullah to speak the following week. Once again he asked the same question - "Do you know what I am going to say?" Now the people were prepared and so half of them answered "YES" while the other half replied "NO". So Mullah Nasruddin said "The half who know what I am going to say, tell it to the other half" and he left!


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Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 4

1. The judge was questioning Mulla Nasrudin. "I understand that your wife is scared to death of
you," he said. "That's right, your Honor," said the Mulla.

The judge leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Man to man," he said, "HOW DO YOU DO IT?"

2. The man said to Mulla Nasrudin on the street who had asked him for a handout, "You would
stand more chance of getting a job if you would shave and clean yourself up." "Yes, Sir," the
Mulla said. "I FOUND THAT OUT YEARS AGO."


3. Mulla Nasrudin reported to the superintendent of the mental hospital and asked: "Have any of
your male patients escaped lately?"

"Why do you ask? said the superintendent. "BECAUSE, "said the Mulla, "SOMEONE HAS RUN OFF WITH MY WIFE."


4. Mulla Nasrudin was chatting with his master who had taken up art. "When I look at one of your
paintings, Sir," he said, "all I can do is stand and wonder." "Wonder how I do it?" asked the
master. "No," said Nasrudin. "WHY YOU DO IT."



5. Mulla Nasrudin approached a genteel-appearing, elderly man with his tale of woe and a request
for assistance. The old gentleman refused him, saying, "I am sorry, my friend, I have no
money, but I can give you some good advice."

The Mulla said in a disgusted tone, "No thanks, IF YOU AIN'T GOT NO MONEY, I DON'T GUESS YOUR ADVICE IS WORTH ANYTHING, SIR."


6. A man said to his friend Mulla Nasrudin: "Who is the boss in your house?" "Well," said Nasrudin,
"my wife assumes command of the children, the servants, the dog and the parakeet. BUT I SAY
PRETTY MUCH WHAT I PLEASE TO THE GOLDFISH."



7. A young man had just passed his examination for his private pilot's license. He wanted to show
off and persuaded the Mulla Nasrudin to go up with him.

When they landed, the Mulla said: "Thanks for the two rides." "What do you mean,two rides, Uncle?" asked the young man. "You
had only one." "Oh no," said Nasrudin. "TWO. MY FIRST AND MY LAST."



8. Mulla Nasrudin was lying beside the wrecked car with a broken leg. He was being questioned by
the highway patrolman. "Married?" asked the patrolman. "NO," said Nasrudin. "THIS IS THE
WORST MESS I HAVE EVER BEEN IN."


9. The housewife gave Mulla Nasrudin a sandwich, but asked him, "Haven't you been able to find
work?" "Yes, Lady, there is plenty of work," said the Mulla, "but everybody wants a reference
from my last employer."

"Can't you get one?" she asked. "NO," said Nasrudin. "HE HAS BEEN DEAD TWENTY YEARS."

10. "What in the world happened at the picnic yesterday?" a fellow asked Mulla Nasrudin. "They are
saying around the tavern that you acted like a coward." "Well, I am no fool," the Mulla said.

"Some of the girls found a big hornet's nest in the  of a tree and dared me to climb up and
get it. And I just didn't do it, that's all." "Whether you were smart or not," said the friend, "That
sort of thing makes you unhonored and unsung around here."

"THAT'S RIGHT," said Nasrudin, "BUT I AM ALSO UNHARMED AND UNSTUNG."


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Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 3

1. "You don't love me any more," said Mulla Nasrudin's wife through her tears. "When you see me
crying, you never ask why."

"I am sorry, Darling," said Nasrudin, "BUT THAT SORT OF
QUESTION HAS ALREADY COST ME AN AWFUL LOT OF MONEY."

2. The hay wagon had upset in the road and the young driver, Mulla Nasrudin, was terribly
worried about it. A kindhearted farmer told the young fellow to forget his troubles and come in
and have some supper with his family. "Then we will straighten up the wagon," the farmer said.

The Mulla said he didn't think his father would like it. "Oh, don't worry about that," said the
farmer. "Everything will be all right." So Nasrudin stayed for supper. Afterwards he said he felt
better and thanked the farmer. "But," he said, "I still don't think my father will like it." "Forget
it," said the farmer.

"By the way," he added, "Where is your father?" "He's under the hay!" said
Nasrudin.

3. Mulla Nasrudin was getting ready to apply to a local department store for a job. A friend told
him that it was the policy of the store to hire nobody but Catholic Christians, and that if he
wanted a job there, he would have to lie about being a Catholic Christian.

Nasrudin applied for the job and the personnel man asked him the usual questions. Then he said to the Mulla, "And
what church do you belong to?" "I am a Catholic," said Nasrudin. "And all my family are
Catholics. IN FACT, MY FATHER IS A PRIEST AND MY MOTHER IS A NUN, SIR."

4. Mulla Nasrudin was applying for a job. "Does the company pay for my hospitalization?" he
asked. "No, you pay for it," the personnel director said. "We take it out of your salary each
month." "The last place I worked, they paid for it," said the Mulla. "That's unusual," the
personnel man said.

"How much vacation did you get?" "Six weeks," replied the Mulla. "Did you get a bonus?" the personnel man asked. "Yes," said the Mulla. "Not only that, they gave us an
annual bonus, sent us a turkey on Thanksgiving, gave us the use of a company car and threw a
big barbecue for us each year." "Why did you leave?" asked the personnel director. "THEY WENT BUST," said Nasrudin.


5. Mulla Nasrudin got on a double-decker bus and climbed to the upper deck. A few minutes later,
he staggered down the steps, muttering to himself. "Is anything the matter?" asked the driver.
"IT AIN'T SAFE UP THERE," said Nasrudin. "NO DRIVER."



6. Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were arguing. "I was a fool when I married you," said the wife. "I
GUESS YOU WERE," replied Nasrudin, "BUT I WAS SO INFATUATED AT THE TIME, I DIDN'T
NOTICE IT."

7. The town's richest man had died. The next morning, another rich, and particularly miserly, old
man said to Mulla Nasrudin, "I wonder how much he left." Mulla Nasrudin laughed and said,
"EVERY CENT OF IT, SIR."

8. Mulla Nasrudin used to say: "Every man should have at least one wife, because there are
somethings that just can't be blamed on the government."

9. Mulla Nasrudin had just checked into the hotel. "Welcome," said the clerk at the desk. "We
want you to know you are welcome. We are going to do everything we can to make you
comfortable and help you to feel at home."

"PLEASE DON'T," said the Mulla. "I LEFT HOME SO I COULD FIND A CHANGE. FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS I WANT TO FEEL AS IF I AM AT A BEACH
RESORT."



10. The lady said to Mulla Nasrudin at the door, "Have you ever been offered work?" "Only once
Lady," said Nasrudin. "Aside from that, I HAVE MET WITH NOTHING BUT KINDNESS."


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Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 1

1. A rich farmer had been trying desperately to marry off his daughters. One day he met Mulla Nasrudin.

"I have several daughters," the farmer told the Mulla. "I would like to see them comfortably fixed. And I will say this, they won't go to their husbands without a little bit in the bank, either.

The youngest one is twenty-three and she will take Rupees 25,000 with her. The next one is thirty-two, and she will take Rupees 50,000 with her. Another is forty-three and she will take Rupees 75,000 with her."

"That's interesting," said Nasrudin. "I was just wondering if you have one about fifty years old."


2. Mulla Nasrudin's family was upset because the girl he was planning to marry was an atheist.


"We'll not have you marrying an atheist," his mother said. "What can I do? I love her," the young Nasrudin said. "Well," said his mother, "if she loves you, she will do anything you ask.

You should talk religion to her. If you are persistent, you can win her over." Several weeks went by, then one morning at breakfast the young Mulla seemed absolutely brokenhearted. "What's the matter?" his mother asked. "I thought you were making such good progress in your talks about religion to your young girlfriend."

"THAT'S THE TROUBLE," said Nasrudin. I OVER DID IT. LAST NIGHT SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS SO CONVINCED THAT SHE IS GOING TO STUDY TO BE A NUN."


3. The young lady's hopes had been high for two years while Mulla Nasrudin remained silent on the question of marriage. Then one evening he said to her, "I had a most unusual dream last
night. I dreamed that I asked to marry you.

I wonder what that means." "THAT MEANS," said his girlfriend, "THAT YOU HAVE MORE SENSE ASLEEP THAN YOU HAVE AWAKE."



4. Mulla Nasrudin had been calling on his girlfriend for over a year. One evening the girl's father sped him as he was leaving and asked, "Look here, young man, you have been seeing my daughter for a year now, and I would like to know whether your intentions are honorable or dishonorable?"

Nasrudin's face lit up. "DO YOU MEAN TO SAY, SIR," he said, "THAT I HAVE A
CHOICE?"



5. Mulla Nasrudin's mother, worrying about her son's safety, said to him: "Didn't I say you should not let that girl come over to your room last night? You know how things like that worry me."
"But I didn't invite her to my room," said Nasrudin.

"I went over to her room. NOW YOU CAN LET HER MOTHER DO THE WORRYING."

6. "Well, young man, I understand you want to become my son-in-law," said the father to his daughter's boyfriend, Mulla Nasrudin.

"NO, SIR, NOT EXACTLY," replied Nasrudin. "BUT IF I MARRY YOUR DAUGHTER, I DON'T SEE HOW I CAN GET OUT OF IT."

7. Mulla Nasrudin was talking to a friend about his recently broken romance. "Do you mean," asked the friend, "that at her request, you gave up drinking, and smoking, and gambling, and
dancing, and playing pool?" "Yes, just because she insisted," said the Mulla. "Then why didn't you marry her?" the fellow asked.

"WELL, AFTER ALL THAT REFORMING," said Nasrudin, "I DECIDED I COULD DO BETTER."

8. A girlfriend at a cocktail party said to Mulla Nasrudin, "I keep hearing you use the word 'idiot;' I
hope you are not referring to me." "DON'T BE SO CONCEITED," said the Mulla. "AS IF THERE WERE NO OTHER IDIOTS IN THE WORLD!"

9. Mulla Nasrudin sat fishing in a bucket of water. A visitor, wishing to be friendly, asked, "How
many have you caught?" "YOU ARE THE NINTH," said Nasrudin.



10. The young lady became angry with her boyfriend, Mulla Nasrudin, and said, "You are a perfect
dope!" "DON'T TRY FLATTERY," said Nasrudin. "NONE OF US IS PERFECT!"


 

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