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The German Cricket Bowler

Coach Qazi had put together the perfect Pakistani Cricket team. The only thing he was missing was a good bowler. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn't find a right bowler who ould ensure a World Cup win.

Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Germany. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young German soldier with a ruly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th-story indow 200 yards away -- ka-boom! He threw another hand grenade into a group of 10 soldiers 100 yards away -- ka-blooey! Then a car passed, going 90 mph -- bulls-eye!

"I've got to get this guy!" Qazi  said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to Pakistan and teaches him the great game of cricket, and the Pakistani Cricket Team go on to win there World Cup for the first time in history.

The young german is showed as the Great Hero of cricket, and when Qazi asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is to call his mother. "Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the World Cup."

"I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You deserted us. You are not my son."

"I don't think you understand, Mother!" the young man pleads. "I just won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No, let me tell you," the mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and this week your sister was raped in broad daylight."

The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says

"...I'll never forgive you for making us move to Karachi!

Read more: The German Cricket Bowler

New ICC Rules for Cricket

  1. Ricky Ponting €“ (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE CRICKET ERA AND WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED) should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of the FOURTH UMPIRE.
  2.  While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, If the ball flies anywhere close to the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER(WITHIN 5 meter distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grassed. Any decision for further clarification should be seeked from the FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the teams.
  3.  While BATTING, AUSTRALIAN players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE decisions only (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP as the ball might not have touched the bat). Each AUSTRALIAN batsman has to be out FOUR TIMES (minimum) before he can return to the pavilion. In case of THE CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.
  4. UMPIRES should consider a huge bonus if an AUSTRALIAN player scores a century. Any wrong decisions can be ignored as they will be paid huge bonus and will receive the backing of the AUSTRALIAN team and board.
  5. All AUSTRALIAN players are eligible to keep commenting about all players on the field and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they will be spoiling the spirit of the AUSTRALIAN team. Any comments made in any other language are to be considered as RACISM only.
  6. MATCH REFEREE's decisions will be taken purely on the AUSTRALIAN TEAM advices only. Player views from the other teams decisions will not be considered for hearing. MATCH REFEREE's are to be given huge bonus if this rule is implemented.
  7. NO VISITING TEAM should plan to win in AUSTRALIA. This is to ensure that the sportive spirit of CRICKET is maintained.
  8. THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE: If any bowler gets RICKY PONTING - €œTHE UNDISPUTED CRICKETER WITH INTEGTIRY IN THE GAME OF CRICKET€ more than twice in a series, he will be banned for the REST OF THE SERIES. This is to ensure that the best batsman/Captain will be played to break records and create history in the game of CRICKET.

These rules will clarify better to the all the teams VISITING AUSTRALIA.

Some other important points to be noted down

  • When you are going out for the toss with Mr Integrity plz check both sides of the coin. Who knows Mr Integrity might have fixed that as well.
  • When an Aussie cheater is out don€™t appeal to their team members standing near the stump & square leg. They are blind as a bat & deaf as a door post & as biased as a mother. Instead appeal to the cheater oops batsman himself by pleading with him.
  • Spend some of the endorsement money to buy expensive & cutting edge home theatre system surround sound/dts et all. Maybe then the 12th & 13th man of the oz team & their holier than thou media might I repeat might c or hear a nick. it€™s a 1000 in a 1 shot but still worth trying.
  • Sachin must share his fairy angel€™s name with Gangs & dravid. because shockingly Sachin has survived throughout this series without any blessings frm the 12th & 13th men unlike his previous series. so mayb his prayers aft 2003 series were strong enough to protect him this time around.

Indian batsmen plz plz plz don€™t even touch the ball with ur bat. Just stand their smiling leaving all the balls. coz if it hits the ball either u ll b adjudged caught behind or lbw. also don€™t come out of the crease coz u ll b adjudged stumped or run out.

Last of all instruct all ur bowlers/fielders not 2 appeal even if its clean bowled or caught near the boundary. Just turn around & start bowling the next ball. If the umpire taps the bowler on the shoulder & says son that€™s out register shock & incredulity & ask him 2 confirm with Mr Integrity if that was really out!

Read more: New ICC Rules for Cricket

2019 World Cup Cricket Headlines

2019 World Cup - News Headlines!

  • Coach Sehwag to be sacked after India's defeat over Mongolia
  • "Tendulkar should consider quitting" : Rahul Dravid
  • Pathan touches 60 mph!!!
  • India out of Super 30 contention
  • VVS Laxman : "I still hope for a spot in the team in 2023"
  • NORTH KOREA don't want to take minnows Pakistan lightly
  • Former Paki captain Inzamam : "Boys is not plays with heart"
  • Flintoff publishes 7th autobiography : How I got drunk, shot and woke up in the Pacific!
  • Greg Chappell talks of cracks in the Solomon Islands team: "Seniors are behaving like Mafia"
  • Security increased outside Sehwag's mithai shop after India's defeat

Read more: 2019 World Cup Cricket Headlines

Ganguly Starts Producing Movies

Ganguly starts producing movies, the films would be titled as follows

  •  Kabhi ek Kabhi duck
  •  Opponent team wale wicket le jayenge.
  •  Main captaincy ka diwana hoon.
  •  Hum wicket de chuke sanam.
  •  Kal team mein ho na ho.
  •  Ab tak chappan(ducks)
  •  Kyon...out ho gaya na?
  •  Captaincy ke liye kuch bhi karega.

Read more: Ganguly Starts Producing Movies

Cricket, Heaven and Hell

A very keen cricketer asked a divine, allegedly with good connections on high , whether there was any cricket in heaven .

The priest replied:"I cant tell you now , but if you come back on Sunday , I might have an answer . "

On sundaythe priest told the cricketer : "I've had good news and bad news . The good news is : Yes , there is cricket in heaven . And now for the bad news : You are in to bat on Friday !"

The Devils challenged the Angels to a game of cricket.

"But we've got all the cricketers," said the Angels.

"Yes. But we've got all the umpires!" exclaimed The Devils.

A cricket enthusiast died and went to hell. After a few days, the Devil came up to him and said, 'What do you feel like doing today? You can have anything you like.'

'Well,' said the cricketer, I can't think of nothing better than a game of cricket. Can we do that?'

'Certainly,' said the Devil, and off they went to get changed. They arrived at a beautiful pitch, and the batsman in his new gear took up a stance. Nothing happpened.

'Come on then,' he said to the Devil, 'bowl the first ball.'

'Ah, that's the Hell of it,' said the Devil. 'We haven't got any balls

Read more: Cricket, Heaven and Hell